I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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