All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
