Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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