well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
