I need to stop coming to work sober
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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