Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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