Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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