The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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