Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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