Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
