You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Randomize
