hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Randomize
