I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My balls are so social today.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
