somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
