A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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