Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
