I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
