I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
