apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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