so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
we're so committed to being not committed
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
