I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
