im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
