hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
