im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
