winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
