so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My vagina is very pro this idea
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
