I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
