God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Did I show you my penis last night?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
