remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
