Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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