There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We have started to decorate penises.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
