What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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