Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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