There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
