Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There was a lot of him and a little penis
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
