You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
