it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Success! We fucked roommates!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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