We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
