am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
