Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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