I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
