I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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