my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
