im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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