You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
