oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
