Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
