i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
