Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
