anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
