all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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