The maid of honor just puked.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
