made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
